So What ARE You Saying? or “YES, I Am That Annoying Person!”
Wow…we live in a chaotic world! How many times have you scratched your head and wondered…”what the….?” It is amazing that we humans ever really exchange thoughts, ideas, much less feelings in the ways we “think” we are sharing! It dawned on me that a whole bunch of it is created by “words” that are “heard” but not “understood” between speakers and listeners.
I had a mother in law that would always repeat what I said. I found it so annoying. (I was probably late 20s at the time, but it continued throughout her life). I think I was aggravated because I always considered myself a good communicator. Looking back, I realize that the only person who really understood (understands) what a person is saying and meaning is the person saying it! Guess the adage “you don’t know what you don’t know” fits again!
Yesterday, my handyman came to do some minor (although annoying) repairs. My screen/security door was not latching properly (hadn’t for some time…would have to jiggle to align it). The handle that opened it was loose and no matter what I or any of my cohorts did we couldn’t get it to tighten. (Probably because “jiggling” had damaged screws). For over an hour my repair fella banged and drilled and finally got door back in balance. He was so pleased and looked at me for approval. I opened it and was happy it was closing…didn’t notice handle other than it wasn’t loose.
This morning when I opened door to go for my morning walk, I noticed that the handle had been “tightened” by inserting some putty like mixture under it. It was coming out so it was now visible. At first, I was annoyed because the reason I called him was to address the handle issue. I then realized that he had not heard my “handle issue” assessment…he looked at the door that wasn’t closing properly and made his own determination that it was what needed “fixing”. (Let me say here, that this guy is not “lazy” or “careless” or in any way inept. Actually, he is usually quite meticulous and proud of his work.It was after 5:00 in desert heat of 111 degrees and I guess I need to give him some “grace”. He’ll be back today to do some other repairs and I know he’ll address my loose handle issue again!)
There are many other times I have been surprised by a“miscommunication”. While riding in the car with a friend having a “girl chat”…the following banter took place. We were talking about guy/gal things…she was single and uninvolved at the time and I was in a long term relationship. We were talking about ways and places to connect with people and internet dating came up. I remarked that “If anything ever happened that my guy and I weren’t together, I don’t know if I would try that”. Her response was “You don’t need any other guy in your life…you are independent and would be fine as a single”. AYE!!! NOT what I was trying to say at all. I meant that I didn’t think I would want to try out the “internet” approach to meeting someone…no judgement, just not in my foreseeable comfort zone!
Way too many times to recall, these situations play out. The “queasy” part for me is wondering how many times we are misunderstood in ways we don’t even know. We don’t have the opportunity to clarify.
Most of my life I have been in situations and professions where communication was key. I took pride in my ability to listen and guide my staff, my clients, my social connections…Can’t help wonder how many times I “missed the mark” because I thought I “got it”! If there is a lesson to be learned, for me it is that it is ok to be that “annoying person” who repeats what she thinks she is hearing and confirms that she is truly having a meaningful productive conversation. How about you?
